“The Four Agreements” by Don Miguel Ruiz
I read and am re-reading because as a dear friend pointed-out, I need to understand and incorporate into my life and not just read words.
I know for sure as I navigate my new life and transition from where, what and how I was as a wife, daughter, sister, mother, friend and individual to who I am and wish to be today that the Four Agreements are the key to successfully making the change: impeccability, not take things personally, not making assumptions and doing my best.
To responding from the inside out and not playing victim to circumstances and others because what is said and done is usually a reflection of them not you: this is not taking it personally. Reading into what someone says is making assumptions so taking what someone says at face value is essential for mental health. If we have a question, asking for clarification prevents misinterpretation and possible unnecessary angst. If we do our best, we will reflect upon life without regret and being impeccable with our word will leave us at peace knowing we said what we meant and meant what we said.
I am living change and family, friends and those around me are living change as well interacting with me. Who, what and where I was a year ago is not who I am today because it required an enormous amount of strength to regain control and be captain of my life realizing that I was FULLY accountable and responsible for my happiness and not laying blame on others, my situation and every other reason I could think of for not making change.
“Life is to be enjoyed and appreciated, not endured and tolerated. Which is why today is a perfect day to stop tolerating…””7 Sources of Stress You Tolerate Too Often”, by Marc Chernoff1. People who are purposely difficult.
Don’t let anyone’s negativity stop you from being happy. Negative company will never give you a positive life. Examine what you tolerate. Every time you subtract negative from your life, you make room for more positive. Happiness is found around encouraging, loving people.
Learning to ignore certain people is one of the great paths to inner peace. Life gets easier when you delete those who make it difficult.
“The most wasted of all days is one without laughter.”
Like with habits, I think we get used to being around certain people, friends and family members alike, and may or may not always be aware of their influence and impact on us.
In the past few years, I have learned to stand firm with whom I was becoming which was someone who no longer sought to please others. The irony of being someone else is that often times we end-up unhappy and out of alignment with ourself and attract those who aren’t true to who we are and may not appreciate who we are trying to be.
With maturity and experience, we gain the confidence to be who we are truly and some of us are just born and discover early on who and what they are. If we think about the people who are endearing, they are often those individuals who emanate happiness, laugher and comfort in themselves.
As I get older and my priorities shift and change, I have made the conscious choice to surround myself with those who uplift me and, almost by default, they have replaced negativity.
To choice !
— at FNS Training Center.
If I stayed with should, I would be living a very different life today. I would have convinced myself that my circumstances were permanent to a certain degree and that change was not really an option and not something I had the strength to make. I would have continued fulfilling the prophecy that I started believing about myself.
When two people start generating negativity unintentionally or by habit, it becomes not only detrimental but toxic. I know this is what happened to my relationship. We didn’t intend for this to happen and each of us on our own were and are not negative people but together we became negative.
So my should told me to work it out and that it could be done and was possible. My should also told me that we had to make it work for our children and that being a product of divorce myself, I knew what the potential effects and consequences would be and that I couldn’t perpetuate the cycle.
Should also questioned my dedication and passion for fitness because it meant replacing “volunteer mommy time” with “me time”. I felt guilty but then I asked myself exactly what and why. I had spent the first 6 years of their lives completely dedicated and devoted to them and their lives from diapers and nursing and being on call 24 hours to being a member on a school PTA, in class volunteer and teacher of an after school elective…
I know I could have been more involved these past few years but the fact is that at the time, I made choices and decisions because that is where I was at and what I wanted and no longer what I should. By following my wants and needs, I regained my identity and along the way, who I am as in IS started replacing SHOULD BE and today I am now a product of IS. I am no longer a should and I have had to transition and it has been hard at times.
I had an exchange with a friend this morning and I told her that I have purposefully chosen to distance myself from certain groups because of the transition I am currently living and she asked, “why, you didn’t do anything?” And she’s right but I choose to take time and create space as I settle into my life of IS and no longer SHOULD.
BELIEVE…your heart will not betray you, follow it as you navigate your life.
They say do what you can today when you can and want because tomorrow is not a guarantee.
I also understand that sometimes we can’t always do what we want today because we have other things we must do based in reality and some times our dreams can not sustain our reality. What I’m also discovering though is that dreams are rooted in passion and passion is the common denominator and determinant for success as we read, hear and learn about different successful companies and their leaders and founders: they all started with an idea when matched with passion became reality.
It’s this balancing act of keeping our dreams alive while living in reality and also taking small but tangible steps towards realizing our dreams that make it some times challenging to live our dreams and not get caught-up and immersed in the daily to do lists and activities of life.
As I surface from the logistics of divorce and my move to a new abode and the start of a new routine and schedule, I’m not only blessed with the opportunity to start anew but also living the reality that change can be unsettling and making dreams a reality isn’t always an obvious endeavor of steps 1,2 and 3. So I go about my day with my usual routine of exercise, emails (school and otherwise), my blog (which has till this day been not only an outlet and blessing but effortless as well) to figuring-out what next in terms of being able to share, help and inspire while supporting myself with the help of my family.
I am a worker and always will be… I like activity, I like to be moving and I like knowing that something is going to be accomplished. I have had an idea of what it is but I’m still not sure how but guiding me is the mindset that I am motivated by the “fear of regret” more than anything else so there is nothing that seems too absurd or worthless in trying.
An exercise that was once shared with me left such an impression because it makes one realize that if change is not made today and put-off repeatedly, before we know it, we are looking back with regret. Imagine and project your life 5 years out, if you were to continue on your current path, would you be happy? If not, then change is necessary.
To believing that we all have a choice to live our dreams and passion and to wake-up daily excited about the opportunities that lay ahead!
As the discussion continues regarding an image of a fit 32 year old Mom surrounded by her 3 children all under the age of 4 with the headline “What’s your excuse?”, I ask myself “Why not me, why not you and why not us?”
We do what we choose and want and what we want and choose to do is determined by our WHY. Over the past year, I have learned that why is another word for passion. “Passion is a powerful or compelling emotion or feeling” and emotions are the relentless propellers towards achieving goals and dreams.
There will be roadblocks, naysayers, excuses and reasons but if our WHY is strong enough, the what and how will make themselves evident. Believe!
It occurred to me today during my workout that though I may know how I explained to my children my recent participation in a figure competition, a few of my Mommy friends and others may not know.
Now that we are living in a smaller space and our time together is that much more valuable, I have noticed that we tend to herd around the house. When I’m in my bathroom, the kids naturally gravitate to my bed and, when I’m in the kitchen, we are in the family area so naturally when I tried on my figure bikini, my children were close by and, consequently, I shared with them the competition.
I explained to them that everyone has their own reason(s) for competing and that Mommy’s primary reason was to illustrate that we define who we are and that if we allow labels to define us then we have essentially usurped our power to decide and make choices.
They are aware of my blog, fitness as part of my lifestyle and, now, they are also aware that we all have the power to make decisions and choices. Believe!