Eating (dis)Orders…

blogA close friend recently stated that I have an eating disorder.  I was shocked to hear this as I had always associated an eating disorder with being diagnosed with either bulimia or anorexia both of which I’m familiar with the symptoms. I don’t purge and/or starve myself so therefore I do not have an eating disorder.

I started thinking more about it in general terms and what my friend said was an abnormal relationship with food.  So I googled it and came across a few links one of which was where I took a diagnostic test and this was my result:

“Your screening results are consistent with symptoms of an eating disorder. However, this screening is not a substitute for a complete clinical evaluation. It is recommended that you see a health professional immediately for a complete evaluation.”

I have an eating disorder.  What?! I think about food, reflect on what I eat during the day, am aware of the approximate caloric and carbohydrate content and will adjust accordingly throughout the day or week to maintain what I consider an ideal weight for my height and frame but is my ideal healthy?

A week ago, I had my measurements taken and myself weighed at my fitness facility where metrics are used to monitor progress.  I avoid the scale because I like to pride myself on how I feel rather than what I weigh to determine my lifestyle. I have gained weight and my body fat has increased in the past 9 months because my lifestyle has changed: eating and drinking more and exercising less.  So while I wasn’t surprised by my results, I wasn’t thrilled so I am making adjustments.

I am posting two photos because my unhealthy me is the one that I know is more universally appealing than the healthier version of me today whom eats more balanced meals and proper food more regularly throughout the day as opposed to skipping and replacing meals with bars and shakes.

I could go on and on about this topic because I can’t recall the last time I met a woman who declared that she was happy with her body as is including myself.  I think about my weight (consciously and subconsciously) as long as I’m not at my ideal (based on how I feel) and though it doesn’t impede and affect me on a daily basis nor is it obvious to the outside world, it’s a constant chatter in my head that I hope will one day subside, dissipate and eventually disappear.

I am guilty of falling prey to the media’s look of ideal health but I hope to inspire and encourage a healthy sustainable lifestyle that involves eating to enjoy and fuel and eating anything but in moderation: treats and all. To health!

4 responses

  1. You are great no matter what you look like! I am in total agreement that sometimes we don’t give ourselves credit for how good we might look or even just to take a step back to be grateful that we are healthy and able to work out so simply be satisfied. You are human- we have peaks and valleys when it comes to putting health and working out as a priority. I think you do an amazing job whether it’s competing or being a mother, companion and living your walk! Just as the words I live by- when you know better, you do better! Love you!

    • Thank you! I don’t intend to use the term casually but I think awareness is important as the first step in changing one’s habits and I have formed some “abnormal eating habits”. I’d like to eat on a more regular basis versus skipping meals and decrease my intake of bars and shakes as meal replacements during the day.

  2. Love your honesty, love your vulnerability, love your journey. Thanks for sharing it. It’s often helpful for people to see “behind the curtain”. Keep doing what you’re doing, you inspire so many others who are on a journey of their own. Progress, not perfection. #easiersaidthandone

    • Thank you Vickie and Go Team Titanium! I have been following your journey as well and am inspired by all that you’ve accomplished and continue to do on a daily basis in whatever your endeavor: in and outside the classroom and with your BeachBody Team! Thank you for your comment.

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