Purpose…

mcomPosted on Facebook this morning:
Racing around this morning preparing to leave for school, so many thoughts occurred to me…my daughter who is 12 years is living change daily which means I’m observing, witnessing and living it as well from her demeanor in the form of stances (i.e. hands on hips), expressions (i.e. there are two of me in the house now?!) and behavior (i.e. privacy), my own situation and then there is my son who just turned 9 years and seemingly is the one who is making the most sense these days.It almost suddenly occurred to me that it’s all about the INSIDE OUT and not OUTSIDE IN!

When we are internally directed and driven, we follow our heart, intuition and are in our zone and almost oblivious to our surroundings not in a bad way but in a way that abets us b/c we are immune to the doubters, naysayers and those who may questions our intentions, actions and US.

I have to remind myself that I need to live from the inside out so that despite my circumstances, surroundings and situation, I am able to remain the same: secure in who I am at my core and living the essence of me. I find this tricky at times because it’s human nature to be empathetic yet we can not allow ourselves to be so influenced that we lose our sense of direction and who we are and seek approval and acknowledgement from outside.

This brings me to my recent conflicting feelings towards Facebook. There are times when I realize there is a fine line between posting for purpose and posting for approval, acknowledgment and self-promotion. I describe Facebook as the People/US magazine for civilians. Though it’s a way for us to stay connected with old, current and business friends and family, it’s also a platform to present ourselves as we wish to the outside world.

My concern with Facebook individually is that it’s very purpose is externally driven and unless we are secure at the core, our posts, comments and interactions can start to direct, dictate and determine our mood, day and life?!

I purposely attach the photo to this post because I know once I posted to inspire but I can now see how it could be interpreted as self-promoting and it leaves me doubting my intentions now and the purpose of FB in my life.

“7 Sources of Stress You Tolerate Too Often”, by Marc Chernoff

466406_506094246105806_2119849326_o-1“Life is to be enjoyed and appreciated, not endured and tolerated. Which is why today is a perfect day to stop tolerating…””7 Sources of Stress You Tolerate Too Often”, by Marc Chernoff1. People who are purposely difficult.

Don’t let anyone’s negativity stop you from being happy. Negative company will never give you a positive life. Examine what you tolerate. Every time you subtract negative from your life, you make room for more positive. Happiness is found around encouraging, loving people.

Learning to ignore certain people is one of the great paths to inner peace. Life gets easier when you delete those who make it difficult.

“The most wasted of all days is one without laughter.”
―E.E. Cummings
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Like with habits, I think we get used to being around certain people, friends and family members alike, and may or may not always be aware of their influence and impact on us.

In the past few years, I have learned to stand firm with whom I was becoming which was someone who no longer sought to please others. The irony of being someone else is that often times we end-up unhappy and out of alignment with ourself and attract those who aren’t true to who we are and may not appreciate who we are trying to be.

With maturity and experience, we gain the confidence to be who we are truly and some of us are just born and discover early on who and what they are. If we think about the people who are endearing, they are often those individuals who emanate happiness, laugher and comfort in themselves.

As I get older and my priorities shift and change, I have made the conscious choice to surround myself with those who uplift me and, almost by default, they have replaced negativity.

To choice !

— at FNS Training Center.

Should versus IS…

medalsIf I stayed with should, I would be living a very different life today. I would have convinced myself that my circumstances were permanent to a certain degree and that change was not really an option and not something I had the strength to make. I would have continued fulfilling the prophecy that I started believing about myself.

When two people start generating negativity unintentionally or by habit, it becomes not only detrimental but toxic. I know this is what happened to my relationship. We didn’t intend for this to happen and each of us on our own were and are not negative people but together we became negative.

So my should told me to work it out and that it could be done and was possible. My should also told me that we had to make it work for our children and that being a product of divorce myself, I knew what the potential effects and consequences would be and that I couldn’t perpetuate the cycle.

Should also questioned my dedication and passion for fitness because it meant replacing “volunteer mommy time” with “me time”. I felt guilty but then I asked myself exactly what and why. I had spent the first 6 years of their lives completely dedicated and devoted to them and their lives from diapers and nursing and being on call 24 hours to being a member on a school PTA, in class volunteer and teacher of an after school elective…

I know I could have been more involved these past few years but the fact is that at the time, I made choices and decisions because that is where I was at and what I wanted and no longer what I should. By following my wants and needs, I regained my identity and along the way, who I am as in IS started replacing SHOULD BE and today I am now a product of IS. I am no longer a should and I have had to transition and it has been hard at times.

I had an exchange with a friend this morning and I told her that I have purposefully chosen to distance myself from certain groups because of the transition I am currently living and she asked, “why, you didn’t do anything?” And she’s right but I choose to take time and create space as I settle into my life of IS and no longer SHOULD.

BELIEVE…your heart will not betray you, follow it as you navigate your life.

Change…

maldivesThey say do what you can today when you can and want because tomorrow is not a guarantee.

I also understand that sometimes we can’t always do what we want today because we have other things we must do based in reality and some times our dreams can not sustain our reality. What I’m also discovering though is that dreams are rooted in passion and passion is the common denominator and determinant for success as we read, hear and learn about different successful companies and their leaders and founders: they all started with an idea when matched with passion became reality.

It’s this balancing act of keeping our dreams alive while living in reality and also taking small but tangible steps towards realizing our dreams that make it some times challenging to live our dreams and not get caught-up and immersed in the daily to do lists and activities of life.

As I surface from the logistics of divorce and my move to a new abode and the start of a new routine and schedule, I’m not only blessed with the opportunity to start anew but also living the reality that change can be unsettling and making dreams a reality isn’t always an obvious endeavor of steps 1,2 and 3.  So I go about my day with my usual routine of exercise, emails (school and otherwise), my blog (which has till this day been not only an outlet and blessing but effortless as well) to figuring-out what next in terms of being able to share, help and inspire while supporting myself with the help of my family.

I am a worker and always will be… I like activity, I like to be moving and I like knowing that something is going to be accomplished. I have had an idea of what it is but I’m still not sure how but guiding me is the mindset that I am motivated by the “fear of regret” more than anything else so there is nothing that seems too absurd or worthless in trying.

An exercise that was once shared with me left such an impression because it makes one realize that if change is not made today and put-off repeatedly, before we know it, we are looking back with regret. Imagine and project your life 5 years out, if you were to continue on your current path, would you be happy? If not, then change is necessary.

To believing that we all have a choice to live our dreams and passion and to wake-up daily excited about the opportunities that lay ahead!

“Why not?”…

whynotAs the discussion continues regarding an image of a fit 32 year old Mom surrounded by her 3 children all under the age of 4 with the headline “What’s your excuse?”, I ask myself “Why not me, why not you and why not us?”

We do what we choose and want and what we want and choose to do is determined by our WHY. Over the past year, I have learned that why is another word for passion. “Passion is a powerful or compelling emotion or feeling” and emotions are the relentless propellers towards achieving goals and dreams.

There will be roadblocks, naysayers, excuses and reasons but if our WHY is strong enough, the what and how will make themselves evident. Believe!

Meditation…

yogaThe power of meditation used to be a mystery but I recently experienced a 15 minute meditation with a friend who also shared the benefits of it and how it has helped them to reverse the negative chatter and thoughts that we sometimes allow our minds to succumb.I know I am guilty of allowing myself to analyze, assume and talk negatively to myself when it’s not only unwarranted and unmerited but simply destructive and an inefficient use of time and energy.
What my friend shared and I learned from the exercise is that meditation is about not only quieting the mind but respecting the gaps between our thoughts and actions and training our minds to become unconditioned: akin to a baby’s mind that is void of experiences and thus has not yet gained knowledge and thoughts.
Like with any change and new habit, the hardest part is the first step of action. I have the tools and certainly the time but have not yet incorporated meditation so I will make this one of my monthly goals.  As a wise young soul once shared, weekly intentions and monthly goals are our map.  Without a map, we are more likely to meander and wander so with this new addition to my map, I hope to improve the quality of my life by replacing negative chatter with peaceful and/or positive thoughts.