Empty spaces…

brunomarsThis past weekend was a whirlwind of activity, emotions and transition.  I realized too how fortunate I have been with translating my thoughts into writing as I sat down this past weekend wanting to post to no avail.   I think it was my mindset trying to process the “empty spaces” I was feeling for the first time without my children.  And the empty space left by not communicating with a friend I recently met who is in a similar situation, divorced with children, who happened to come into my life quite unexpectedly.

My ex also hosted a BBQ this past Sunday for friends from out of town and the children were with him so I stopped by.  I wasn’t able to hold it together to stay longer than an hour as I missed the kids so much and found myself wanting to organize my ex’s home and quite suddenly was overcome with emotions and feeling suffocated.  It was also a realization that my ex is doing a much better job with remaining in contact with our old friends.  I am still in a strange place of creating my own space of where I am in life, who I am and what I’d like to accomplish that involves new surroundings, people and experiences though I value my old and pre-existing friendships dearly.  Change requires mental energy and bandwidth and re-prioritization.
Today is Tuesday and I just stopped by our old home before it goes out on market and though I felt nostalgic, I was no where near as emotional as I was the first time I stopped by after vacating it.  A sign that I am moving on though still having moments like this past weekend where I am sad and uncertain.  It’s a process, learning experience and though, not always easy, is necessary.  I accept my situation as a result of the decisions and choices that were made and will live each day as best as I’m able while thinking about and creating my own opportunities and roadmap.
An example of creating opportunities occurred last week when I was invited to Facebook Headquarters to participate in a user experience interview on ads as an ad placer for my bicepmom page.  It was a fun and interesting experience and could be left at that but I have decided to contact the point person I met with to ask if there might be any opportunities for me.  If there should be a fit some where, perhaps that’s something else to consider while I continue to pursue and find my place in fitness/entertainment.
When I created this blog, it was to share my experiences as a Mom.  Recently I have been contacted by companies interested in advertising and having me try and write product reviews.  I’m flattered, humbled and excited about the potential opportunities and am enjoying the process.  I’m here to share hoping to inspire other women in my situation to really think about their lives as individuals in addition to their roles as Mothers, wives, friends, sisters and daughters.  We are not defined by our situation but we define and create them.  Love is a choice, an active and dynamic one, and not an option.  I am not here as a proponent of divorce, separation or otherwise but simply someone who came to a crossroads in life and realized that I wasn’t happy and that I needed to assume responsibility of my choices and, as the saying goes, seize the day to create the changes in my life.  I made a choice, a decision and I will continue to move forward and onward with hope and optimism.  Believe!
(photo taken on my way to a Bruno Mars concert and after a make-over trial for the figure competition in Sept compliments of GiGi, MAC counter Nordstrom’s Stanford, CA)

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