Empty spaces…

brunomarsThis past weekend was a whirlwind of activity, emotions and transition.  I realized too how fortunate I have been with translating my thoughts into writing as I sat down this past weekend wanting to post to no avail.   I think it was my mindset trying to process the “empty spaces” I was feeling for the first time without my children.  And the empty space left by not communicating with a friend I recently met who is in a similar situation, divorced with children, who happened to come into my life quite unexpectedly.

My ex also hosted a BBQ this past Sunday for friends from out of town and the children were with him so I stopped by.  I wasn’t able to hold it together to stay longer than an hour as I missed the kids so much and found myself wanting to organize my ex’s home and quite suddenly was overcome with emotions and feeling suffocated.  It was also a realization that my ex is doing a much better job with remaining in contact with our old friends.  I am still in a strange place of creating my own space of where I am in life, who I am and what I’d like to accomplish that involves new surroundings, people and experiences though I value my old and pre-existing friendships dearly.  Change requires mental energy and bandwidth and re-prioritization.
Today is Tuesday and I just stopped by our old home before it goes out on market and though I felt nostalgic, I was no where near as emotional as I was the first time I stopped by after vacating it.  A sign that I am moving on though still having moments like this past weekend where I am sad and uncertain.  It’s a process, learning experience and though, not always easy, is necessary.  I accept my situation as a result of the decisions and choices that were made and will live each day as best as I’m able while thinking about and creating my own opportunities and roadmap.
An example of creating opportunities occurred last week when I was invited to Facebook Headquarters to participate in a user experience interview on ads as an ad placer for my bicepmom page.  It was a fun and interesting experience and could be left at that but I have decided to contact the point person I met with to ask if there might be any opportunities for me.  If there should be a fit some where, perhaps that’s something else to consider while I continue to pursue and find my place in fitness/entertainment.
When I created this blog, it was to share my experiences as a Mom.  Recently I have been contacted by companies interested in advertising and having me try and write product reviews.  I’m flattered, humbled and excited about the potential opportunities and am enjoying the process.  I’m here to share hoping to inspire other women in my situation to really think about their lives as individuals in addition to their roles as Mothers, wives, friends, sisters and daughters.  We are not defined by our situation but we define and create them.  Love is a choice, an active and dynamic one, and not an option.  I am not here as a proponent of divorce, separation or otherwise but simply someone who came to a crossroads in life and realized that I wasn’t happy and that I needed to assume responsibility of my choices and, as the saying goes, seize the day to create the changes in my life.  I made a choice, a decision and I will continue to move forward and onward with hope and optimism.  Believe!
(photo taken on my way to a Bruno Mars concert and after a make-over trial for the figure competition in Sept compliments of GiGi, MAC counter Nordstrom’s Stanford, CA)

“30 Things to Start Doing for Yourself” Marc Chernoff

poolside“30 Things to Start Doing for Yourself” by Marc Chernoff 5. Start being yourself, genuinely and proudly. – Trying to be anyone else is a waste of the person you are. Be yourself. Embrace that individual inside you that has ideas, strengths and beauty like no one else. Be the person you know yourself to be – the best version of you – on your terms. Above all, be true to YOU, and if you cannot put your heart in it, take yourself out of it.
When my friend shared this post with me the “30 Things to Start Doing for Yourself” by Marc Chernoff, I read it and found myself nodding from beginning to end: nodding in acknowledgment in both theory and practice. Every point was worth highlighting so what started as my intention to simply copy/paste a point per day to share, I found myself relating it to my experiences and life and really thinking about each point for that day with the hope of actively incorporating it into my life.
This is probably one of my favorite and most dear points because I started to connect on a totally different level with people and established some of my closest friends when I allowed myself to be ME unapologetically and truthfully with all my flaws and all.I think It comes with experience, maturity, confidence and sometimes life-changing events like being a first-time Mom which is when I shared ME because of my recent diagnosis with postpartum. What I discovered was more than half of my seemingly perfect Mommy/Baby group was suffering from the same.Being your true self is not only liberating but allows you to tap into your passion and connect with people on a very truthful level. It takes courage to lay bare your core and to open-up but encourages those around you to do so as well.

Facing problems head-on…

kahala“30 Things to Start Doing for Yourself” by Marc Chernoff 

2. Start facing your problems head on. – It isn’t your problems that define you, but how you react to them and recover from them. Problems will not disappear unless you take action. Do what you can, when you can, and acknowledge what you’ve done. It’s all about taking baby steps in the right direction, inch by inch.

From my own experience, I know how difficult and easy it is to live in the “grey zone” of existence when it comes to life-altering decisions. This is exactly what I did regarding my marriage of 18 years. Now that it’s been made to part, I am exactly where I need and want to be and can say that I have seized control of my destiny and am the author of my life.  Feeling blessed spending my first vacation as a sole parent with my children here in Oahu where we met my Dad and stepmom, I am hopeful and happy.

I have a purpose and a dream and I look forward to evolving, sharing and pursuing all that it entails. While things are happening, everything that has happened started with an action I assumed and initiated. I created an ad for my FB bicepmom page not really knowing how it would be received and who would respond but am humbled and thrilled by everyone sharing and supporting OUR journey to live our passion and truth.

With this blog, I had no expectations beyond sharing my fitness journey online. Recently a few companies have contacted me about advertising and product reviews on it. Feeling fortunate but also realizing that all that has transpired was initiated by action taken on my part by facing my problems head-on and seizing control of my destiny. No doubt, it was one of the hardest decisions of my life that affected not only me but my family and I believe it was a mutual one as well.

So now I position myself and am here to create the roadmap of my life rather than meander through the woods. Believe!! One life, our choices and our truth!!

Detour…

viprI returned to our old home to pick-up a few items left behind and was taken aback by my emotional reaction upon seeing it empty being prepped for market. It was a clear indication of a chapter ended…almost 6 years since we relocated to the area. I never imagined this is where I’d be…then to pick-up the children at Daddy’s home and see them say bye for our long weekend together was all surreal.

Settling into my new home and moving forward, I am at peace and feel stronger each day and so thankful that the children seem to be doing well.  No regrets making a decision to change a path I had chosen but unfortunately left me unhappy for a variety of reasons for which I partly assume.

Wiser now about my needs, my strengths, my growth areas and most importantly starting a new phase where each day is ready to be lived with passion and purpose. One life, no regrets, our choice…make it yours!! Believe!!

Book 2, Chapter 1…

courage

Sitting here at my ‘new local Starbucks’ as my internet service has yet to be connected. Thinking about all that has transpired this past weekend which is the culmination of a few years of counseling and a year of transition. Just spoke with my children on the phone and they are doing as well as can be and I’m so thankful their Dad and I were able to handle the situation amicably. Had a few tearful moments one of which was when their Dad returned a book which was a gift from me. He thought it was mine and hadn’t seen the inside cover note.

We are also both open to meeting others and were recently matched-up on an online dating site which was not only surreal but admittedly met with mixed emotions. I even felt a bit of jealousy but also relief as it’s a sign he is moving on as I am as well.

I’m preparing for a figure competition which has me on a food plan that is totally opposite of what I normally eat. I’m a carb person but this food plan is all protein. Since I’m not hitting my numbers for carbs and fats but most definitely have increased my protein intake, I’m gaining and wondering how this will all fall into place come show time. I’m committed for several reasons but most importantly to the mental discipline that will accompany this journey.

Since joining a dating site, I have, once again, made myself vulnerable to distraction and attention neither of which serves my long-term purpose to be my own person but have met some very interesting people who are in similar situations and have shared and offered insight into this process as newly single individuals, with children and new goals. I have had one person in particular who has been emotionally supportive so I struggle with falling prey to my own weakness and staying on course with defining myself and purpose. My goal is to be a solid ME that remains the same whether or not in a relationship.

My purpose is to continue sharing my journey to help inspire others who may feel paralyzed in their situation. The mind is powerful and I’m learning that once a decision is made, one tends to start making the choices that align with the decision.  For me, it was regaining my identity as Debbie in addition to Mommy and formerly Mrs and  finding the strength to redirect myself to live a life of passion, purpose and happiness.

Embarking on Book 2, Chapter 1, excited to see how it all transpires, full of ideas and what could be and seizing and creating opportunities: networking, reaching-out and LEARNING…To believing in your truth and happiness…to alignment of mind, body and soul.

Moving on…

livelovematterJuly 15, 2013 will mark the one year date of a crossroads in my life. I was told the process would take a year and, at the time, I didn’t think it would but it has…the emotions are being tucked away to allow us to move forward and onward but, as I pack things, I inevitably come across tokens of memories: a framed wedding invitation, wedding album, engagement album and other photos from the past. It’s hard and sad as I recall those days, but, I realize too that the decision was made over time. So I hold the memories and move forward and hope for all that is yet to come…believe and try so you don’t regret.
“The only thing standing between you and what you want is the will to try and the faith to believe it’s possible”.  Believe!!

“The Compound Effect”, by Darren Hardy

SFflowerEvery day is full of choices: to smile and laugh or to be complacent, to say hi or ignore, to ask how was your day or walk past someone, to compliment or not. Laughter is my tonic and how I go about my day but to be acknowledged and thanked for it certainly made my day today! Daily and momentary choices and decisions compounded can indeed change the quality of one’s life and those around you.

I am in the midst of the biggest transition in my life but with the support of friends and family and so much positivity around me what could be debilitating is instead hopeful and exciting: a perspective and choice I made so I can reflect on my life with a smile.

And I am still speechless. I am so happy to be here and on my FB page sharing what comes naturally because it is helping me through my transition. I am so thankful to all of you. All I want is each of us to assume responsibility of our lives and to make the decisions and choices that make us happy. Self belief must be self-directed and driven and is paramount to achieving our goals and dreams because there will always be those who will doubt and ask but that is life.

I don’t think I realize how many decisions and choices I am met with each day and though they may seem insignificant in the moment, compounded they create a pattern of behavior and form habits like anything we do repetitively.  Laughter and a smile are choices and have created my mindset which is now a habit.  Laughter is my tonic, my modus and my coping mechanism as well.  Laughter dissipates tension, alleviates situations and helps me connect with others.  It’s also my way of life.  My choice, my way and me.  Laughter is my happy lens :)!!  Have a great day!!

Facebook page…

From here to there...I am truly beyond words. I created two ads in the past 1.5 weeks both of which ran a few days. Consequently our page likes have almost doubled from 269 to 456. I’m speechless. Thank you for stopping by and fueling my purpose.

I had no idea what would transpire by sharing my journey publicly and I will continue as it has helped me through my own process and one of the most difficult transitions in my life from a wife/mom to a divorcee/mom and from full-time Mom to full-time Mom with a passion for a fitness and a dream.

I decided that I would no longer allow myself to be defined by labels and to fulfill the prophecy of their definition. I am not defying, I am being me and living my dreams and in so doing, I am defining who I am regardless of age, situation and anything else that I’m supposed to be.

It’s liberating, exciting and it’s how I choose and wish to live my life. A life of passion and truth. Allow yourself this gift! Live and love each day! Thank you thank you thank you for being here as we share our journeys together.

Forever grateful,

Debbie

Fear or Opportunity…

pauloI lived the fear mindset when I first started work after graduation…a lot had to do with maturity and self-confidence. What I love about experience and life is that I am now at a place where I am motivated by the fear of regret more than anything else…I fear not trying and knowing if I had, what would have been…Fear dissipates when you face it and practice working through it…Fear is opportunity for growth in disguise…BELIEVE and TRY!!

Journey continues…

beforecomp goldsHappy 4th everyone!! I’m thankful for each and every day I’m able to make the decisions and choices to fulfill and get closer to living my dreams.

Yesterday marked the first step in yet another journey and experience in my life! I made the decision to join a friend on stage at a figure competition to be held in September in the Bay Area.  I start training with Nick Colvill of Better Aesthetics Body Building (FB page) tomorrow.

I will be doing workouts specific to where I’m at today to where I need to be (targeting areas that need strengthening), monitoring my diet and learning how to pose and walk to feature my strengths and distinguish me from others while on stage.

It’s not something I’d ever imagine doing but after attending the 2013 NPC San Jose show this past weekend in support of a few friends, I was exposed to the world and appreciated and admired what I saw on stage: determination, dedication and passion for their sport and body as art in all forms.  I am excited but I’m also a bit overwhelmed by the whole process and idea but as I’m learning in life, dreams become reality when we decide to “just do it”!!

I consider this competition not only an experience but another step in my journey to getting closer to living my purpose and dream to inspire by hoping to meet and interview individuals of interest, celebrities and peers about their journeys and sharing them.  BELIEVE!!